Sat, May. 10th, 2008, 07:17 pm
Mon, Feb. 25th, 2008, 01:33 am
ah yes, my dear live journal.....we've been thru so much togeather. hahhha!
so things are going pretty normal right now. I've been working at taco mac for a little over a month now and its cool, not as much money as I would like but Im about to start bartending there so thats good!
brian is still undecided with his feelings.
I dont think he really understands the toll that takes on someone. Imagine spending 9 months of your life wrapped up in someone, putting your heart and soul into them only to have them break up with you continuously only to drag you back in and tell you they dont think they could ever love you. Its fucking rough. At first I thought it was worth it but now I dont think things will ever change. If he isnt sure what he wants with me then he probably dosent want anything.
Ive done everything I can think of and its still the same. Im starting to feel like Im being used. Like he dosent want to loose me as a friend but if he breaks up with me then he knows Ill be gone. Plus he gets someone to sleep with and hang out with when no one else wants to. Hes having his cake and eating it to and Im the cake thats getting very very stale. I think Im going to have to get up the courage to do what I know is right. I deserve so much better then this.
Its sad that its taken me so long to realize this and that it took someone else to help me realize it.
Im in no means ready to date again but there is this guy K.....he is amazing. Hes so intelligent and down to earth. hes done so much is so little time..hes just really intresting. We work togeather and I give him rides home and go out with other friends for drinks, we are strictly friends but so much more. Hes a motivation, he constantly asks me questions about me, he cares about me and what I have to say for once. He tells me Im worth something and that im a star. I know it sounds so cheesy but it means everything to me to hear someone say they believe in me. He makes me believe Im worth more then this. Its a breath of fresh air....hes a true friend....i help him thru his hard times and he helps me thru mine. I havent had a friend like this in a long time...he's kind of waken me up in a way. im so excited to have met someone like him.
okay im rambling im so tired. off to bed~
Sun, Jan. 20th, 2008, 05:26 pm
I freakin love snow!!! woohooo!!!!! I didnt think we were going to get snow!! I worked all night friday and went out afterwards, got home around 4am and there was no sign of snow. I woke up sat around 11 to find like 8000 text messages and i ran like a little kid to the window and BAM! snow!! woohoo!! heres some pics for ya!! !
I need another job so someone hook a girl up!
Boo's first snow
Brian came and picked me up
im gonna eat it!
blue eyed snow bunnies
buzz takin a dooker in the snow
Sat, Dec. 29th, 2007, 03:03 pm
Please give me the strength to do what I know is right in my heart. I know I deserve better, to be treated with respect and equality, to have my love be cherished not abused. I'm not sure why your putting me thru this trial...Im clueless on what to do or what I've done. Is this a test to show me that I can be alone, to test my strength? I thought we already did that this year.
I've lost my family and Im afraid if I loose him then I will be completely alone. I dont think I can handle that right now....but I dont think I can handle this abuse either. Please lord give me the strength to do whats best for me. That or numb my heart so I cant feel everytime he crushes it
Mon, Nov. 26th, 2007, 09:07 pm
I am so sick and so happy at the same time. colds suck, this does not.
Mon, Oct. 8th, 2007, 05:17 pm
Things have been going pretty crazy lately. Some things good, some not so good and some just normal. The job hunt is going really well!! Ive been getting a lot of call backs and a lot of really good interviews!! I have a call back interview with Alpharetta community bank on Wed and tommorow I have one with Alliance Insurance! things are definatly looking up on the job front. I wish I could do something more creative but I guess right now I gotta concentrate on the money part.
Things with brian are so fucking confusing. He broke up with me because he said he was afraid to fall in love, then he came crawling back and broke up with me a week later because he was afraid I wouldnt be able to have kids. He quickly realized that I CAN have kids and now he wants to be in a relationship again. I care a lot about him but that shit he pulled really put a bump in the road. I dont feel comfortable around him anymore. He really had me convinced I ment something to him and then BAM! he leaves me. Now he keeps telling me not to worry so much but how can I not? He wont open up to me, hes not affectionate with me, he really dosent make me feel like he cares about me. The only time he ever really makes me feel special at all is if we crash out together and he cuddles with me for 5 minutes before rolling over.
I need that physical affection, I need touch and kisses and looks that make me feel like Im special and amazing to them. Its so hard to figure out where to go with all of this.
Andy had all of that, he knew exactly how to treat me and I dont want to settle for less....I definatly dont want to waste my time on someone who dosent know what they want or if they want me. UGH!
Sat, Sep. 8th, 2007, 01:25 pm
im having the best day ever........brian is amazing.
My birthday has come and gone...not much to say about it. got to spend a lot of time with my family and some with my friends. Spending time with Brian has been awesome as usual. 24 isnt a fun age, I miss being 21 or 18...carefree was fun!
Ice cream cake rocks my face
My friend Tiffany is in the hospital right now.....shes having a baby!! woohoo!!!! They had to enduce her late this afternoon and baby Piper should be here tommorow morning!!! Oh I cant wait!! Brian and I are going to see her after work so Ill have pics up soon.
I talked to Zach(feefee) for a little bit today. i didnt want to rip his head off, it was actually really nice. I saw him on Saturday night when we all went to mazzys and turned right back around and left. I didnt want that whole akward thing going on. I still dont think he gets how much I cared about him. In fact Im sure he dosent.
Thu, Aug. 9th, 2007, 08:20 pm
Im almost finished with my first week back at work. THANK GOD! Everything was so diffrent when I came back, new people, new bosses, new policies...it was nuts. It felt really good to be back. I just wish I felt a little better. I still get a little ill every now and then so that is kind of setback. Hopefully that will fade. It did last year.
My birthday is Tuesday! im gonna be 24...not very exciting to be honest with ya. what do you celebrate?
I'll celebrate this though.Happiness